I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize