ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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