You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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