id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
