you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
