My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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