my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
