Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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