Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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