her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
