exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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