i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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