He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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