so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize