Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i drank out of a bidet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Panties = found
Randomize
