i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
