Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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