Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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