Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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