when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
