it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize