return my video game
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
