next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
