yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
