i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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