yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
