sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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