How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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