I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think people are normalizing furries
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
