I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
