I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
