I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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