Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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