He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
