billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
