I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
