I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
