If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
