apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
