You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
