piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
