I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
