Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
