me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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