there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
