can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
