I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
