There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize