I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
