She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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