she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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