he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize