Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize