Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
