i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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