oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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