bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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