No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
