even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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