is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
