This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
