You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
