Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
