I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
