my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need a burrito and a hug.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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