He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
