I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
