The maid of honor just puked.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we should paint friendship bongs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
