you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
