i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
