man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm really busy with my period
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
