He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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