Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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