I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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