My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
