I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
