ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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