Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
