I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
