She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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