Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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