did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize