The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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