It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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