a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
