So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
