I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize