I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
