That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
