It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
