a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
