i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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