just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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