The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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