I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
