can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
